A series on key topics related to personal peacemaking in Chinese cultural contexts. Most posts are based on excerpts from Jolene Kinser’s forthcoming book, Changing Normal: Break Through Barriers to Pursuing Peace in Relationships.
All quotes from interviews have been translated from Chinese; the names of the Chinese Christians who were interviewed have been changed to protect their privacy.
Regrettably, if you have been a Christian for a while, you most likely have either heard of a church split or experienced one. While many church splits do not have a happy ending relationally, I know of at least one that does…
Sometimes God keeps graciously nudging our hearts as we pray, gifting us discomfort or a lack of peace until we make things right. Thank God for this nudging so our hearts can be set free, and relationships set right.
As long as our motivation comes from a godly desire for peace and reconciliation, seeking clarity in relationships is worth the effort. Someone has to take the first step to initiate conversation. For those seeking to reflect God’s face in relationships, let’s be the ones doing the initiating.
God calls us to exercise self-control and listen well. And while challenging to live out, relating to others in this way is not impossible! Many of those I interviewed in China… described this spiritual fruit growing in their lives and the difference it made relationally.
We are all members of the body of Christ. And while there are appropriate times to leave a particular ministry or church to find another, when the reason for leaving is related to conflict triggered by differences, please pause, and first consider taking biblical peacemaking steps.
Thankfully, God loves us with actions and in truth whether we are at odds with him or not. Investing in a relationship with someone we are at odds with, assuming it is not an abusive relationship, can reflect that same type of love and have significant impact.
Gaining a true view of ourselves from God is humbling and freeing and can spur us on to apologize for our contributions to conflict.
Wu Chunhua described it in this way: “If you give a person face, that person will slowly relax and won’t be as confrontational and resistant in the relationship. The conflict will ease up. It won’t continue to get bigger.”
When it comes to receiving an apology, we often want to hear a verbal apology. Yet, how often do we personally avoid giving a verbal apology when we have messed up?
Li Qiang said, “Chinese culture has moralized everything. Someone who makes a mistake is seen as flawed, deficient, and having shortcomings. A person who has not made mistakes is morally higher.”
Should Li Qiang behave according to the general expectations of the superior person and not apologize? Or should he obey the Bible, confess his sin, apologize, and face whatever possible negative repercussions there may be, if or when they come?
In our conflict resolution conversations, conflict coaching, and mediation help, face is sometimes the elephant in the room—if never acknowledged and addressed, reconciliation is hindered. Let’s address the elephant in the room and develop a new God-centered orientation to face.