This has been one of the most discouraging experiences I have ever had in a partnership.
A pastor I have known for over a decade—someone who has been a long-time ministry partner—once complained to me that in a project we were working on together, I seemed indecisive, even “going back on my word.” He said that if I had any reservations, or if I did not really want him involved, I should simply say so.
I was stunned.
What he called my “indecisiveness” was, in fact, the situation itself changing repeatedly. What he called my “going back on my word” was my attempt to be considerate—knowing how busy he had been recently, I adjusted our original arrangement so as not to take up more of his time. I tried to explain this calmly, but after hanging up the phone, a deep sense of grievance rose up inside me.
I Treated You as a Brother, but You Only Saw Me as a Friend.
“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17)
To me, friendships usually require maintenance in order to endure. Brotherhood, however, is meant to rest on complete trust. In my heart, he was never merely a ministry partner or a friend; he was like a real brother to me. To be misunderstood in this way felt deeply painful—I treated you as a brother, but you only saw me as a friend.
What unsettled me even more was how this incident shook my self-understanding.
I have always valued integrity—being the same inside and out—and I take pride in being open and transparent. Not long before this, at a retreat with colleagues, I had shared my hope that people could “see right through me.” Even if what they saw was shallow, I wanted it to be real—without hidden agendas or calculations. His complaint felt like a slap in the face.
Beyond the sense of injustice, I felt discouraged, even driven into self-doubt. I found myself praying: Lord, search me. Show me the sins that only you and I know. Reveal to me the intentions in my heart that you see but I do not.
Brothers Also Need to Love at All Times
Later, he reached out again. His wife had reminded him that he had been too self-centered. After praying, he decided to apologize to me in person. He took a one-hour high-speed train to the city where I was staying, and we had breakfast together.
During that conversation, I shared a realization that had formed in my heart: even between brothers, communication matters. Brotherhood also requires “loving at all times.” He responded thoughtfully, suggesting that this might be exactly what the proverb means: “A friend loves at all times, and a brother—especially in adversity.”
As I revisited the verse more carefully, I noticed that it holds a certain tension. The word “brother” can refer to family by blood, but it can also refer more broadly to friends or members of a community. And the connector in the sentence can be read either as additive (“and”) or contrasting (“but”). Is the verse drawing a parallel, a contrast, or holding both together? The answer often depends on the reader’s own situation and perspective.
Our reading of Scripture works this way—and so do many real-life relationships.
We must admit that all of us are self-centered to some degree. We respond to the world primarily through our own interests, understanding, and feelings. We may think of ourselves as open and transparent, but what we call “transparency” can easily become a form of self-justification. True openness is not defined by intention alone, but by whether the other person actually receives it. In that sense, openness must be evaluated by its outcome.
And in this case, the one who truly needed reflection—and apology—was me.
“I Have Called You Friends”
This proverb is paired with verse 19: “Whoever loves transgression loves strife; he who makes his door high seeks destruction.” (Proverbs 17:19) Together, they paint a picture of what a true friend is—and is not. Strife, pride, and self-interest have no place in healthy partnership. A solid partnership requires ongoing communication, a commitment to “loving at all times,” and the willingness to walk together through adversity. Even then, misunderstandings are inevitable. Sometimes, paths still diverge.
This experience reminded me that for Christians and Christian organizations alike, a shared vision is only the starting point of partnership. The true foundation lies deeper: are we staying in a relationship of “loving at all times” with Christ—our common friend? Have we walked with him through adversity?
Only then can misunderstandings and grievances be brought before him to be examined and corrected. Only then do we find the courage to acknowledge our shortcomings and make things right.
When we stop treating trust and unspoken understanding as givens and instead choose again and again to love at all times, to endure adversity together, and to place our shared journey within the finished work of Christ—only then can partnerships be sustained amid tension and change. Only then can they continue, mature, and stand.
My Journey with ChinaSource
I first met Dr. Brent Fulton over a decade ago in Hong Kong, when I had the opportunity to attend one of his lectures. His fluent Chinese and deep understanding of Chinese society left a lasting impression on me. In 2016, at a conference on the development of the church in China, we had more extended conversations. Afterward, I sent him a copy of my book, and he invited me to attend a conference hosted by ChinaSource.
Through these exchanges, I began contributing articles to ChinaSource—sharing reflections on new media ministry, public theology, and leadership. In 2022, I was invited to serve as a content advisor, and our organizations formally became ministry partners. Through this role, I also began working more closely with the content team. After Andrea Lee joined ChinaSource, our collaboration became even closer and more strategic.
Along this shared journey, I have come to see that ChinaSource is not only highly professional and resourceful but also marked by something deeper—the spiritual posture of its team. Their commitment and diligence in ministry, their humility and lack of self-interest in partnership, and their willingness to remain in dialogue amid tension—these are qualities I hope to see in myself and in the team I serve. They are also qualities I hope others can see in us.
I believe this is the true foundation of our partnership—and the reason we can continue walking together into the future.
